Third times a charm…and I hate wearing pants

14 Apr

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Here I am, Im 36 + 2 weeks (thats 36 weeks and 2 days for those who don’t know the pregnancy jargon talk)* Yes that is a bit of food on my top, and yes I am wearing leggings. I was taking some pictures for another post and had to sit and have a rest, and thought it would be a great photo opportunity hee hee! My butt hurts to sit for now short periods, and my feet ache standing on them now for short periods. Man some days it can hurt down there from the pressure of bubs position, this baby likes to move and groove like all.the.time. I feel very stretched, and it’s becoming evident that I hate wearing pants even more right now, so at home I’m pretty much pant-less, but hey I prefer no pants at home anyways haha! Oh and by the way last night I bought my first ever pair of…Jeggings (ok maybe I bought 2 hahaha) I met the Mister and the kids after I tried to squeeze myself into pants that I mainly intend to wear in the next few weeks, but also post pregnancy when I’m not carrying as much water in my legs, but still have that little baby bump, so hard to tell! He looked at me with my shopping bag and said ‘How did you go?’ and I coyly said I bought my first pair of jeggings and laughed, and he said ‘you say that like its a bad thing, is it?’ and he smiled and kissed me. This is why I love him so hahaha. So even my sacro belt (it’s a special pelvic belt, I have worn in my last 2 pregnancies to help stablise my pelvis better for PGP – Pelvic Girdle Pain) doesn’t fit as of last night, as I walked around the shopping centre, the sound of velcro kept ripping apart and this awesomely sexy belt would tail off my hips!

Even though at this point I am pretty much feeling my most uncomfortable and I know it will only get more uncomfortable, I am still in awe of my pregnant body, and knowing it could be the last time, I am still taking it all in. I am also carrying very different to either of my other 2 pregnancies – for Lil M, I carried so much water in my face, arms, and legs, so much so, I was always so cold to touch, and I was wider and carried so high. For the Lil Mr M I barely carried water, I definitely carried outwards and lower. This time, I’ve barely put on the weight, only in the past few weeks the water has been filling my ankles /legs/thighs. I really am all belly, and really out. But I think a lot of this has to be because this time around I have GD (Gestational Diabetes) and I’ve had it from real early on, from the 4.5 weeks that I had my bloods done at the GP to confirm my pregnancy. I was initially upset and thought it meant I was unhealthy and that I’d need to take insulin, but soon learnt it was purely a hormonal thing, and that this time around I do sit in the risk groups (mid 30’s and asian) even though I am only part Asian, but it just something that my hormones are blocking more than some women. I am lucky that the whole time it has only been diet controlled and that I’ve had great levels. I have to test (pin prick and test my blood levels) 4 times a day, but unlike most I only need to do it every second day…. thank goodness! But I do feel as though this has contributed to the different pregnant body I am carrying. At times it can be really really frustrating, I’m huge foodie and I love my sweets – even though its more about carb loading than it is about sugars – in my case its a bit too much rice that can send my levels high, rather than sneaking in a piece of chocolate or cake! Worst person to get GD haha!

I have said to friends, that I have never hated pregnancy, although maybe I should, as the first trimester I am always horribly sick, I mean I’m not just nauseous, I’m like seriously nauseous 24/7 and vomiting pretty much every day, everything around me makes me want to spew, I feel chills constantly and I am so lethargic, and I take medication to get through it, I get good again a little bit halfway through trimester 2, once it passes and my energy comes back, then once I hit 3rd trimester my PGP (Pelvic Girdle Pain) which is really is a really PAIN! hahaha! The first time I got it with Lil M, what I thought was a tight muscle at the top of my thigh from a cramp, very quickly, I mean within hours, turned to me barely being able to walk, well it was like the slowest pace ever and so painful, and it was just before Christmas eve and I couldn’t get into see anyone and we were driving down the South Coast (we lived in Sydney back then) for our last little getaway (not really a Babymoon) just a quiet Christmas the 2 of us. I was having weekly, sometimes bi-weekly physio sessions just to keep me moving after that, at least the next 2 pregnancies I could tell when it was coming on and maintain it. BUT it’s still pretty painful, I’m at the stage where it hurts to drive anymore than 15-20 minutes, even sitting as passenger at times, hurts to walk at times, and to even sit or stand….but I’m on the home stretch baby, and once that baby its out its gone, and I’m just going to have to deal with recovering from a c-section.

3rd time a C-section too. Lil M was an emergency c-section at 41 weeks to the day. I started pre labour 4 days prior (I didn’t even know that existed until it started), and then I had a long labour, and it was pretty much all in my back until the very late stages (yep so contractions through my lower back and not around my belly), that would progress, then not progress, and I had pretty everything I was frightened to have (I had a stretch and sweep that afternoon, I had to be hooked up to an IV for induction as I wasn’t progressing again (that was friggen painful and I hated being stuck on the bed), I eventually had an epidural , and then it ended with Lil M in distress that she wouldn’t (well couldn’t) engage properly down my pelvis once I was fully dilated, she kept bobbing back up and had become pretty much posterior. When she came out, my Ob had said that she had tried really hard, and was very determined to get out, she had a little bit of a cone head from really trying to push her way down and all that bobbing and she was so swollen and red, but you know what, this is exactly her personality now as a 5 year old, and always has been, a really strong, independent, determined little thing ;) so right from the get go this was her! But I still never saw it as a negative experience.

I did learn from that first birth that you never know what is going to happen, and that I needed to go with flow, and for me it was to trust the professionals, and that body and baby doesn’t always do what it wants or necessarily needs to do. It was recommended that my next be an elective c – section, unless I really wanted to go VBAC but the risks would be high, bub would be in the same predicament (and you know what he was pretty much almost the same size and everything as Lil M – just on 3kgs and around 49-51cm, with both 33cm head circumference – all my babies including this one have always measured about a week and a half behind even this one with GD, I’m pretty small and only JUST on 5ft haha) Anyhow my first elective was very calm, very quick, and relaxed, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not nervous again for my next….from that wait before theatre, having the catheter put in…the spinal! (with Lil M it took ages to get it in, as I have slight scoliosis and I had crazy contractions to keep still) – with Mr Lil M, it was taking a little while, then I heard the anaesthetist say to his assistant…’can I please have the largest needle’ hahaha my eyes widened at the Mr, and then the anaesthetist asked him to sit in from of me, and to hold my hands hahaha, even the smell of my skin as my belly gets cut freaks me out a bit…. BUT its that first cry that I long for, that I long to hear. That was the most amazing sound when Lil M was born and I longed for that with Lil Mr M. Once I hear it, I just relax and fall to pieces…….

The Mister asked me if there was anything I am scared of or afraid of, with this 3rd baby…. Apart from the above, I am super, super scared to go into spontaneous labour early, before my 39 week c- section, and that we won’t have time for a c-section, and it will be the labour of Lil M all over again, yes I said it was also that shortness of breath just after baby comes out in theatre, that my chest feels so heavy and its so hard to breathe, I tend to panic a bit, not feeling my legs for a day, the sore bleeding nipples (if I am able to breast feed again), and the pain of the shrinking of the uterus those first few days – so ouch, I never got told about this first time round, and those baby blues, yes I got them with both, just for a few days – crying uncontrollably at times and I couldn’t pin point the reason as I was happy – I guess its just the body being overly overwhelmed with emotions and physically draining – yes I was also surprised at how tired I still felt after a c-section even though I didn’t labour, I still felt so exhausted. I’m not looking forward to when my boobs fill up with milk – that they look and feel like they are going to explode and somehow look shiny and like I got implants 10 times too big for my body. I’m afraid of that first poo hahaha the midwives and doctors asking every day if you have had one. I hate having to show them pee in the pee catcher every time I go in the toilet too hahaha. I hate that last day when they have to take the stitches/staples out (Im going staples again – my first was a keloid scar of course being red and raised (I didn’t really care about the appearance – that is a while new post altogether),  it was pretty painful and itchy at times well after the birth, so it was cut out the next time and healed really well. I am anticipating the nights being up feeding and having to strategically dress to be able to breast feed when out haha. I am also not looking forward to the 5 or 6 weeks of recovery – each time Ive learnt to take it a little bit easier to recover faster. Oh and that constant bleeding for weeks after, its like… you haven’t had your period for 10 months so now you can have it constantly for a month or so! After writing all of this it sounds like it’s not a great experience, but these are only very tiny things in the big picture, that of course I’m here again for the 3rd time, and it’s all worth it……. even though for some reason weirdly a lot of people have asked if this was planned? Not me personally but the Mister lots!? It’s only 3 years after our last, everyone knows the Mister is a huge family guy…is it our age? I never think of mid 30’s to be too old? Again this is another post to come – how I changed my decision to keep our family growing. That you can never say never.

I am looking forward hopefully being able to breast feed again (just being fed at all is best) and having that little tiny body so close to mine, I am looking forward to those times feeding through the night when I get to steal cuddles and time with that tiny bub, and that the nights that the Mister, bub and I will all be up together, feeding, changing, settling, cuddling. I will be looking forward to when my scar heals, a reminder of where my babies came from (Lil M points at it all the time and is proud saying that is how she came out of my tummy). I am looking so forward to see the bond form between the 2 M’s and new bub, they are super excited and already so intrigued and caring for my belly bump.

So the wait is here, I can’t believe its like 3-4 weeks and soon there will be anther little cute in the house. I can’t believe I’ve started wearing leggings (no offence to any legging lovers Ive just always been a leggings is not pants person haha people can change), can’t believe I bought some jeggings. So every twinge I get in my back or little soreness in my belly, I will be stressed that I am going into labour hahaha – my hospital bag is pretty much packed and I’m pretty sure I have way too many black full brief undies in there, and I’m really ready to just slow the F down right now….. x

 

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